My body as a temple...

I went on a journey these last 10+ years- it was physically, emotionally, and mentally painful sometimes. Often exhausting. Often depressing. Often really frustrating. I gained weight, lost weight, gained it again. I tried diets that messed with my mind. I did workouts that injured me and left me in a bad state. I went to doctors, suffered terrible anxiety, and became a survivor of that anxiety. I became ill and injured at the drop of a hat. My blood test numbers were scary. I tried to pretend like I didn't have a disorder, and that dieting and extreme food choices would work on me the way it "did on everyone else." Instead, I lost weight (slow as a snail) but to do it, I had to make extreme choices. And *nothing really changed.* 

I'm currently in a body that isn't exactly my ideal, visually. It's not the body that I'm SUPER excited to be in. But it's a body that is finally being respected for its cues. Its needs. It's a body that actually feels FAR less pain than it has for years. It's a body that keeps me healthy (tfutfutfu) instead of constantly battling this illness and that illness. It's a body that works out including high impact and strength training every week, multiple times a week like clockwork. It's a body whose numbers are healthy. It's a body that eats what it needs, and is starting to remember how to tell me when it's hungry and full after dieting and bad choices took those cues from me.

So my goals aren't weight loss anymore. And this isn't some statement about YOUR journey, or anyone else's. It's not even a statement on that goal in general. Because I'm not you. 

My goal is making sure my head is on straight, and my body has what it needs. My goal is making sure that I'm hearing what it tells me when it tells it to me. And do I hope that things even out and I end up in a smaller body? For many reasons, yes. But that's not the goal. It can't be because that goal hasn't served me. 

The fact is that my good habits are what serve me. Eating foods that are nourishing, joyful movement every day, getting enough good quality sleep, keeping up with preventive medical things, taking my supplements, keeping up with my mental health... those are the things that are far more imperative. Those are the choices that will elongate my life. Ignoring my body's cues certainly will not. I DO have this issue, and it's not an easy one to deal with. No one even knows much about it. Doctors disagree constantly on its cause and its treatment. So all I HAVE are these habits. 

So here's to hoping everyone can get to that point, however you get there. And whatever challenges you have, I hope you find ways to overcome them with the internal strength you surely have. 

Love, 

Ladysingin 

Effort and Time and Money....

This blog post is going to be offensive to some. Especially non-musicians. Most professional musicians will be nodding their heads with fervor from the first sentence, until the last one.

Professional musicians spend more time, effort and money on their craft and their education, on the whole than ANY OTHER field over a lifetime. I know that's going to be considered a really offensive and possibly inflammatory statement, but if you look at the numbers, it's a true one. I am not putting down any other field. I am not minimizing any other craft, or art, or anything like that. Because heaven knows the arts are expensive, and there are other fields that require an amazing amount of specialty. But I just want you to take this in for a second, and you'll see why at the end.

A lot of musicians start their formal education around 5 years-old (some earlier, some later). So that means by the time they are 21, they have been formally studying their craft for SIXTEEN YEARS.

By the time they are 21, they may have spend anywhere from $8,320-$49,920 on lessons alone.

Over the course of a lifetime, musicians (including singers) will, more than likely, need to buy themselves some kind of gear. Since the focus has been up until the age of 21, I will continue in that vein: This gear could be *just* their instrument (a good one worth playing professionally is usually pretty expensive), but it could also be amps, cables, various effects processors, record equipment, live mics....etc.etc.etc...This total can range so drastically that giving a number is almost pointless, but let's go with a minimal here, and call it $30,000. That is clearly undershooting it. But I'm making a point.

Then there is an education. If you want to be a performer, many people just find themselves a band, orchestra or something akin to that and start performing as much as possible. Which is great! But guess what? The pay isn't so great, and you often end up SPENDING as well- you WILL do a lot of travelling- so gas, your car (because driving it that much will require a lot of maintenance), places to stay (assuming you do not have a friend who has a couch in every city in the world), tickets for trains, busses or airplanes.... etc....ETC.....let's call that $10,000, this seems a happy medium, even though it's clearly undershooting it. Again.

Then we have those who choose to first go to college and really hone their craft (and let's be honest, network!) OR they want to study a different field within music, like music business or engineering (both also very expensive. One often requires a masters after this, the other requires STUDIO EQUIPMENT ;) Or at least a good DAW!). The current cost of a good music college is around $50,000 a year, give or take. So that means over the course of a 4-year Bachelor's degree, you are looking at about $200,000 spent.

So by the time someone is 21 years old, they have already spent AT A MINIMUM, $50,000 on their craft....if we're being more realistic, it's closer to $100,000 without the education. Which will bring it up to about $300,000.

So why do I bring this up? Money obviously isn't everything. No where close. I think if it were, people wouldn't be spending that kind of money to then do something completely different from what they intended to do, living in debt...but still playing as often as they possibly can.

I say this because I am SO tired of the attitude toward working musicians, professional musicians, or people who have decided to dedicate their life to this craft and nothing else. NO other field (except perhaps within the arts!) are treated this way.

So when we get angry, or annoyed when people don't take us seriously. When we sit here and kvetch about those who write off our seriousness as, "just a hobby"....MAYBE this will clarify that no such thing exists here in our world. That we are willing to spend our blood, sweat, tears...and, yes, money, to be really, really good at what we do. We're willing to work and sacrifice absolutely ANYTHING just so that we can live our passion. So when you put down our choices, mock us, undermine our knowledge, or patronize us, it gets REAL old, REAL fast. And we wonder- what, exactly, qualifies you to do so? What makes you think that we are less than, somehow? Again- by the time we were 21, most of us had already been honing our craft for 16 years. Take that in for a minute. A lot of us had already been performing for nearly that long. Can you say the same thing about any other field (again, outside of the arts!)

Look- many people- let's take scientists for example- know what they love from a young age. They put time and money into it (chemistry sets aren't cheap, people). I will never deny that. Many working musicians happened to pick up a guitar trying to impress a cute high school girl and became very good. I also don't deny that. Those who love and study politics put their whole lives into that as well, debate teams, etc. etc....sports, you can say the same thing (because I know someone will bring that up! You guys have hospital bills to contend with, too. Again, no denial there.) BUT...when you look at a whole lifetime. Analyze it with the same scrutiny- why is it that people feel so okay putting us down? Why is that MORE okay than any other field?! It's not. So this is my formal request to the world- I'll make you a trade-off- if you all stop doing this annoying things, we will continue making music for you. Otherwise, we'll do it only for ourselves and leave you out of it. And I guarantee, you will not like that as much.

Love, 

Ladysingin

My homeland is not your headline...

 A lot of people hear, "Zionist" or "Zionism" and they immediately respond with: 

"But Israel causes oppression!" 

"You must be anti-Palestinian!" 

"You're colonialist!" and other awful things. 

Those are the only topics that they can bring up when they discuss this ideology. No matter how much cognitive dissonance their point of view requires, this has become the chosen narrative. 

What if I told you that this perspective is privileged? 😲

The concept of Zionism came about with two things in mind:

1. That Jews all over the world were being indiscriminately murdered for the "crime" of being Jewish. 

2. That we *already* had a homeland and a safe space that we'd been kicked out of over and over again, and we knew this based on thousands of years of first person history, language, currency, etc. We knew where home was. We now know that even a blood test or spitting out some saliva proves this.

What if I told you that the beginning of this story WAS NOT the Holocaust, but the Holocaust was just one of many horrors of Jewish history the proved how necessary the concept was. That much like the Amendments don't GIVE us our rights, they just clarified that we have them; Zionism didn't establish the Jewish homeland, it just reminded everyone where it was and why we needed it. 

So why is it "privilege" to focus on anything *other* than Jews when we discuss Zionism? Especially when most of the negative associations are media invented (and hurtful to all parties!) 

Because our lives depend on it. 

Zionism is what protected and saved Jews for hundreds of years- technically thousands before it became a legitimate ideology unto itself. 

As we speak, it's protecting and saving the lives of French Jews...African Jews... Asian Jews. Right now! It's protecting Middle Eastern Jews. Not figuratively, literally. Those people aren't safe being Jewish where they lived. 

Zionism means ONLY that the indigenous Jews want to live in their ancestral lands. PERIOD. It means nothing else- not about anyone else, not about anything else. 

To misunderstand and misappropriate what Zionism is requires an immense amount of privilege. It means that you don't see, acknowledge, or value the lives it saves. It means YOU'RE removed from the oppression. 

Ironic, right? Since not acknowledging the value of Jewish lives was why we needed to establish it officially in the first place.

Love,

Ladysingin

The New Not Normal

Humans thrive on a sense of, "normal."

It might be different for each individual, but it's consistent as a concept. 

What is truly unsettling right now isn't necessarily a specific economic or health fear.

It's all of the above- unknown.

It's that, "normal" has been so rattled. 

It has not yet been replaced with anything. 

Living in a state of limbo, where even experts disagree with one another.

Where people at the top are fighting against one another, instead of FOR us.

Where it's unclear who, and what to believe. 

Where we're pretending to be a cohesive, giving society,

But the allure of angry politics and blaming and naming is still untouchable. 

It's time to find a temporary normal. 

To face, head-on the things that are the scariest. 

Even if the light at the end of the tunnel is a flicker, and really might just be an optical illusion.

Time to allow normal to be one foot in front of the other.

To sink into that.

To be present now, here; not then, or when. 

To let faith be king. 

To just be. 

To be given the chance to feel ok with Not Normal.

Love, 

Ladysingin 

Ode to the Indigenous...

The beauty of ambiguity.

I'm not quite whatever you think I am when you first see me.

And this conversation has become a competition.

A race for who is more deserving of public pity.

But I'm tired.

I'm tired of being told what I am

Who I am

What belongs to me

How many people should or shouldn't feel badly for me because of my outside.

I Am Indigenous.

I repeat: I Am Indigenous.

And my status, my connection to my homeland and the land of my people doesn't change.

It doesn't change because of your invented narrative.

Or because it's currently convenient to preach tolerance while marginalizing, dehumanizing, and delegitimizing me.

Or because you would accept the status of ANY. Other. Minority. Without question.

First person historical account- Dayeinu. Archeology- Dayeinu.
DNA- Dayeinu.
Language- Dayeinu.
Currency, Dayeinu...
Kingdoms, dayeinu...
LEGALITY- DAYEINU!

But your hatred and bigotry force you into a life of cognitive dissonance.

Where everyone BUT...
has sovereignty.

Where everyone BUT...
is to be accepted as they are, for who they truly are.

But we WE must fit YOUR confines.

Follow YOUR rules.

How we look, how we speak, how we function.

Who we support, how we vote.

Even though

You put us in this position in the first place.

You took from us our home and threw us all over the world.

It is because of you that we are now wanderers- separate from our homeland.

But...

I am indigenous.

And you should take responsibility.


Because my homeland belongs to me.

And I know who I am.

I know what I am

And I'm tired.

Of being told that our story isn't enough.

We are enough

We are Jews.

I have, you have, we all have...

The obsession with "privilege" seems benign and logical- the idea that we should be aware of the things we never had control over, and how it affects our place in the world in comparison with others. But as usual, it's not so simple.

In truth, many people (as well as the media) are taking an important concept (i.e. gratitude for worldly things) and turning it into the demonization of success. Of wealth. Of hard work.

It's the antithesis of what America stands for, and does more to bring less fortunate down than raise them up. It gives an, "out", and takes away the empowerment that comes with feeling like you have some semblance of control over what happens to you. Instead,  everything is happening,  "to" you.

The WHOLE point of this country, and it's beauty, is the fact that we can all be successful, wealthy, and work hard toward a goal. That we define our own success- be it monetary, or otherwise.

For some it will be harder than for others. Much harder, in fact, and I'm NOT SAYING privilege isn't real.  It absolutely is. I'm saying it's not that important if you decide it's not.

Ask anyone who became successful, but was NOT born within the current ideal of privilege.  They'll tell you that it's your mindset and decisions under seemingly impossible circumstances that determine what your life becomes.

It's a hard concept to swallow because it doesn't feel automatically fair. And we like fair! But reality isn't always fair, and instead of focusing on what that means you CANNOT do,  it's far more productive to choose to focus on what is possible.

I hope that anyone who isn't in a position of privilege, and has been made to feel that they do not have ownership over their future as a result will read this and know that mentality is nonsense. And if you've been told that you were born privileged, but you're coming up on challenges that you know within your heart are very difficult- I hope you'll power through and see the light on the other side.

There's space here for everyone.

And for when you need to be a better internet human...

OHHHHHHHH, boy. We all talk about it, then we all turn around and immediately do it ourselves.

Dun, dun, dunnnnn...trolling! I do it. You do it. We ALL do it at some point. And if you're already offended...well, I'm probably talking about you.

It comes in many forms. We do it on our own pages, on other people's pages, on pages we follow, to celebrities, to strangers, to friends and family.

But guys, it's out of control. It's one thing to have a heated debate about a concept, or idea with someone you don't share an ideology with. That's great! That's healthy! It's even fun if you do it correctly!

I started this blog in an effort to share my life as an adult- to share the ups and downs and everything in between. I'm not seeing a lot of adults online, though. Sure, a lot of them are over the age of eighteen. Most of them, actually, are over the age of thirty...

Here's the deal: We were dropped into a universe that allows us to be relatively anonymous. We can say things behind a screen and get them off of our chest at the drop of a hat, to a huge audience. Whether or not that's actually helpful or healthy is debatable. I'm mainly on the side of, "nope!" But I digress.

Here's what I decided to do- for myself and for whomever else may need this. I decided to write a list of how to be a, "BIH"...a, "Better Internet Human."

Step 1:
Remember that people are whole beings.
On the internet, we see snippets. We see one line, one post, one moment in time. We don't get to see the whole person with their mannerisms and facial expressions. We don't get to remember that they like the color blue, or find out that they have firefighters in their family like we do. We don't get to know that they have two kids and one has severe disabilities. Or that they've been trying to have children for 10 years with no luck. We don't know that they just lost their mom. Or that they're caring for an ailing sibling. We don't know that they just won an award. Or that they are the most successful person in their field on their side of the country.

The entirety of what we know about them in that moment is based on that snippet. This, of course, falls into categories- people that we know in person (friends, family, or acquaintances,) or people that we don't know in person.

This new era of social media comment wars have led us to a place where we're bonding with strangers but unfriending our family. Doesn't that strike anyone as weird? The former, of course, is why we loved social media as a concept to begin with. We have the ability to easily communicate with people  from around the globe with the click of a button. But this also means that people you don't know at all see tiny little portions of who you are with no context- and vice versa.

So how do we solve this? By giving ourselves a little bit of perspective. By asking, "is it worth it?" If you are about to post about what an IDIOT this guy is, ask yourself why you're doing it, and if the end result is really worth it. And as a side note- is he really an idiot? Or does he just disagree with you? Can you share your point of view in a way that will help him learn, instead of insulting HIM?

Which leads me to...

Step 2:
Share, don't insult. 
It seems like we've lost the ability to have constructive, solution and idea-oriented conversations. Now we have arguments about people and groups. Remember how Eleanor Roosevelt made great commentary on small people (who discuss other people,) verses great people (who discuss ideas?) Well let's agree to be the latter. Instead of seeing someone's statement and telling them how horribly stupid they are, (unless of course, your goal IS to start something...or...shut it down? Oh, who am I kidding, been there.) Try to come at the situation by attacking the ideas they're representing- not the people themselves. I was going to list some names that are used in this context, but I'd better not give anyone any ideas.

Which leads me to...

Step 3:
Stop assuming that everyone in the whole world falls into a box.
Did you know that pro-gun, pro-gay marriage, pro-abortion people exist in the world? I know, it's shocking (unless you're one of them, in which case, "Uhhh, hello? Right here!") Did you know that people who are Christian and pro-gay marriage exist? No, like ACTUALLY Christian. Yep. Did you know that there are religious Jews with Muslim best friends? (I have many! They're awesome.) Did you know that there are Liberals who own guns and are members of the NRA?

My point is that just because you hear one opinion from one person in one moment, it doesn't mean that you can automatically guess whatever else they believe. Or, frankly, that you understand the complexity of that particular belief. When every issue becomes a, "hot-button" one, and we all have opinions on all of them- keeping step 1 in mind, means that we almost never fit into a box. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's a pretty awesome thing. It means that we can find things in common with all kinds of people- sometimes people we never thought we'd have anything in common with.

So the solution here is to try freaking harder! No, I'm serious. Go out of your way to learn about the people you know in real life. Figure out the boxes they check, if it's important to you. Appreciate them for the complex and interesting human being that they are. And when they make a statement that pisses you off? Use the rest of the information that you now know about them to remind yourself why you thought they were awesome in the first place. STICK TO THOSE THINGS! That's what we did before the invention of the internet, remember?

And if they're strangers? Assume that you know nothing about them. Because you don't.


Finally...
Here's what I am not trying to do:
Censor you.
Here's what I am trying to do:
Problem solve.

Huh?

What I mean is- we're not goal-oriented anymore- it almost feels like a lot of the time we just want to hear ourselves talk. Our only goal is either to be mean, or to find the droves of people who agree with us and everyone else can sit on it and rotate. It's GREAT to be in a community. It's awesome to find like-minded people! It's really awesome when these people are far away and you would have never had a chance to meet them without the internet.

But not so great? This hole that we've yelled ourselves into. I see it seeping into real life. Friends, family members, people you meet in the middle of Target, (yes, this happened.) ENOUGH! So to stop this, we need to all agree to be BIH. Please, and thank you.

Love,
LadySingin'